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Weighing Heavy on My Heart

December 7, 2010

These past several months have really tested my resolve as a Mom... the pre-teen/teenage years where kids can be so incrediably mean and so very hurtful. Kids just trying to find their way through the emotional rollercoaster of puberty, the opposite sex and just trying to fit in. For some puberty comes early and others still wait and hope that they too will finally hit it. My sister, who is a middle school PE teacher, told me that these years are the most difficult. I am finding that VERY TRUE!

With Janna, it didn't seem that bad, but with Connor it has been awful. He has experienced bullying... First just the verbal taunts and then it got physical. Now with that under control, he is finding out that the people who he thought were his friends really aren't because you aren't on the same team as them. Hard life lessons learned. My son's esteem is in the dirt and my heart breaks. I know God has a plan, and it is a good one. I am praying that things get better soon.

(I debated sharing this, but I feel if I get it down in written form maybe I will see things clearer.)

stefanie said...

I am sorry, yes jr. high kids are mean, hopefully he will understand that he is loved and they probably are not, and thats why they are so mean!!!

Sarah said...

Sheila,

I am sorry to hear about the bullying, I have found its beginning to start sooner with kids - I think kids behave by example, usually by their parents, and it needs to be a lesson in practicing what you preach. But unfortunaltey many parents chalk it up to boys being boys, I frankly I find that unacceptable.

Believe me I know exactly how you feel. We talked a little bit about this on Friday, but I am sure we could talk for hours just on this very subject. Being pre-teen through puberty I think is very hard on both boys and girls. I guess all we can do is talk to them, hug and let them know we are there and eventually they will work through everything.

Hugs,
Sarah

Angela said...

My daughter-in-law and I were talking recently about how this stage is so much harder than the physically hard early years of childrearing. This stage tears at your heart. I told her that I just THOUGHT I prayed for my kids when they were small...these are the years you learn to pray in earnest!

C'est Moi, Julie Marie said...

Oh Sheila, my heart aches for you and your son... bullying has become so rampant, but you know, it was there even when I was in school, and I am now 61... I never really "fit in" back then, and took alot of teasing because I was so very shy... I think that's why blogging has helped me so, because I now believe there really ARE still nice people in the world... during those early years of mine, my family is the only thing that got me through it... your son knows how very much you love him, and that is the very most important thing of all... prayers for you both... xoxo Julie Marie

Leah C said...

The teenage years are full of angst, it's true..but bullying any way you look at it is wrong. It's good you talked about it because it's an issue that needs to be addressed. No mother wants their child to be a victim of bullying {or to be the bully} and of course your heart breaks for him...my heart hurts for our guy Connor. I'm so so sorry that he's had to deal with this & I pray that he'll come through it unscathed. I hope it helps Connor to know how very much he is loved!

Beth Leintz said...

Sheila, I'm so sorry to hear about the tough times Connor is going through. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to watch your kids hurting and feeling helpless to do something about it. I'm thinking about you.

vintage girl at heart said...

Yes it is sooo hard!!! I have four children ages 26 to 11 and both of my boys have been bullied. We always taught them not to hit or fight. My
older son even had a boy threaten to stab him at school!!! And that was back in 2000 and can you believe
the boy was never expelled? He even had to have surgery for a broken nose when he was a freshman in high school! That is one of the
reasons we left Florida!
Very violent!
I will pray that your son finds peace..with young boys/men it is soo much harder because they tend not to talk to us as much as girls do! Just keep the communication lines open
with him.
I pray too that parents start teaching their children that this behavior is not acceptable and damages other more than they know!!
Blessings~

Katsui Jewelry said...

Sheila,
it is thew worst time for things like bullying. I still feel pain when Kat talked about those years and feel that mother-pull of, "how could I have fixed it?" That is the hardest part for me. She also still feels some of the pain but I se her working it out, years later. Ths being a mom thing...hard business!
Hugs,
Suz

A Vintage Chic said...

I'm so sorry, Sheila. It's the toughest time for our kids, these jr. high/high school years. I heard a woman say once "It was in jr. high that I learned my talents & abilities weren't good enough." Heartbreaking!

I've just tried so hard to make my girls feel loved and completely accepted for who they are at home. I've tried to help them see who their true friends are...not always easy, since we don't want to be controlling as mothers, either, right?!

It will all be well. As you said, God DOES have a plan for us all. Hope things start to be better very soon!

Julie

Jan said...

I'm hearing this loud and clear and my teenage son who is 16 has experienced some of the same struggles. To add insult to injury, my son was pushed down while rollerskating and hit by one kid and kicked by another and HE hit back and received in school suspension. I went to the police station with my son and filed assault charges...ENOUGH is ENOUGH! The bullies are cruel and heartless!

Little Pink Studio said...

I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Middle school/jr. high years seemed to be absolutely the hardest for my girls. I can tell you, thankfully, that high school was better.
My oldest, (now a freshman in college) was horribly betrayed in middle school by her group of friends, and it left her feeling as if she had no friends at all. It was heartbreaking. I wanted to go to each of those mothers and talk to them about how they were raising their daughters. (I didn't though...) I ached for her everyday when I pulled up to school to pick her up. I hoped it was a better day.
She did finally find new friends and find out that fitting in certain crowds wasn't where she was going to be happy.
I'm so very sorry your son has been bullied. It's horrible.
Big hugs sent to you. Hang in there. It really does get better.
Cerri xo

Kara Ward said...

Telling to dig out and dust off that turtle shell.

Stay strong and focused on who you are!

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